What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Fuck appropriateness.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
