Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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