And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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