no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize