well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hippo gnu deer
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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