i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
