There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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