Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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