He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize