You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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