i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
