It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
