So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
