It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
