soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
