My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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