After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
