bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
