I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
