Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
