She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
