My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
In America we eat man semen.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We need to get me chipped asap
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
