I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
