He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
