I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
