i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
