She announced her abortion via fbk
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
