It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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