Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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