we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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