hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
