I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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