remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
