I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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