I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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