he thought i was a dude.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
