Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
