I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
