I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
