Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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