My balls are so social today.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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