Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
