it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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