I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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