I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize