oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I party with great urgency now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
