I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
