God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
