PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
