He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
