Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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