can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Randomize