I think I won the penis lottery.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
