i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize