She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
