you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize