summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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