STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
