She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
