I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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