I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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