if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
