if i can run in heels then i can drive
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
