I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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