I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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