i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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