Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
