Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
