Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
