try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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