I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
