So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
