If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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