I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
