i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
