I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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