i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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