yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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