I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
