We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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