you guys were way drunker than both of me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize