Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
