My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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