can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
