All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
